"Chick Bassist is utterly savage. Lockhart's style waxes poetic as a modern Beat giving us a glimpse into Rock & Roll hell." - Laird Barron, Shirley Jackson Award-winning author of Occultation and The Croning Erin Locke, the Queen of Rock, wakes up at the crack of noon. "La Cucaracha" has infested her dream, and now echoes through her hotel room. "What the fuck is that?" Erin's voice is muffled by the thick blankets that completely cover her. Beside the lump that is Erin lies a black Ibanez bass guitar. A Heroes for Goats sticker adorns its reflective surface. Erin thrusts one arm out from beneath the blankets and fumbles for the nonexistent alarm clock. She's still slogging off fragments of her dream, that goddamn recurrent creep-out where she's a praying mantis, translucent green, perched on the crest of a burning city, devouring her still-copulating preymate. This time her meal had worn her father's face. Those dreams were the worst. Chick Bassist welcomes you into punk rock hell, the friendless disillusionment of waking up in a shitty motel room in California with half a joint and an empty six-pack, radio blaring Lou Reed, concrete ocean on all sides and a blazing inferno within.
"There are plenty of bastards in this world, but Patrick Wensink isn't one of them. Well, maybe. He is our Terry Southern and Paul Krassner and possibly one day even our own Jonathan Swift. Most writers are interested in the boring ass subject matter of the 21st century: "I did drugs. I had sex." No shit. Wensink is more concerned with Dwight Yoakum, lawsuits, biscuits, Charles Kuralt, babies and corpses, anxiety and Ohio. This makes him a weird ass dude, and the weird ass people are the only ones making sense anymore. They're the last people in this life who can still fight off the bastard inside of them. So you should read these essays. You'll laugh. It means you're still alive. You'll feel wings sprouting from your shoulder blades afterwards. You'll be able to fly. It's okay to laugh and fly. I promise." - SCOTT MCCLANAHAN, author of The Collected Works of Scott McClanahan Vol. I
Mutant unicorns. A palace with a thousand human legs. The most powerful army on the planet. A first world city on the verge of collapse. In a city where teetering skyscrapers block out the sky, a city populated by lowly clerks, rumors have been circulating of a terror in the east. When Carl, the lowliest clerk on the negative twelfth floor, discovers that the city is indeed in grave danger, he sets out to warn the city's protectors: the Unicorn Riders. Although Carl's missing father has left him a unicorn of his own, it is a small and sickly creature. Even worse, there is a crab claw growing from its side. But the Unicorn Riders need as much help as they can get, and soon every able rider sets out for the city's flooded perimeter in a steam-powered Spanish galleon. An epic journey that spans desert and sea, through the bedchambers of a fearsome Eastern queen, and into the devastation of a conquered city, Unicorn Battle Squad is the story of a boy and his unicorn at the end of the world.
A feeling has been tearing up the underground of the fiction world. It's a nightmare reflection of the society you inhabit, a surreal explosion of pop, punk, and the post-apocalypse. Over the last decade, Bizarro Fiction has changed the definition of avant garde, it's abolished the traditional prose of yesterday and established a new precedent for awesome. Collected in this anthology is some of the best weird fiction from the past decade. Award-winning writers, cult prodigies and burgeoning talents all collected together in one place. This is what you've done with the last ten years of your life.With stories by:D. Harlan Wilson, Alissa Nutting, Joe R. Lansdale, Carlton Mellick III, Kevin L. Donihe, Blake Butler, Ryan Boudinot, Vincent Sakowski, Cody Goodfellow, Amelia Gray, Robert Devereaux, Mykle Hansen, Athena Villaverde, Matthew Revert, Garrett Cook, Roy Kesey, Jeremy Robert Johnson, Aimee Bender, Ian Watson & Roberto Quaglia, Jeremy C. Shipp, Andersen Prunty, Jedediah Berry, Andrea Kneeland, Kurt Dinan, David Agranoff, Ben Loory, Kris Saknussemm, Stephen Graham Jones, Bentley Little, David W. Barbee, and Tom Piccirilli.
The bacon storm is rolling in. We hear the grease and sugar beat against the roof and windows. The doughnut people are attacking. We press close together, forgetting for a moment that we hate each other. In Die You Doughnut Bastards, amputees, lonely young people, and talking animals struggle for survival against the freakish whims of nature. A typewriter made of fetuses is the source of woe for an expecting couple. Tao Lin rewrites The Human Centipede 2. A girl with a glass jaw hides an otherworldly secret. A demonic loner goes to a birthday party in Hell. You'll encounter a killer in a marsupial mask, a prison for anorexics, haunted pancakes, and a songwriter with a cult following. Surreal prose poems give way to personal accounts of alienation and modern love. Vegetarian narwhals are sold at the supermarket. And in a city that might be your own, zombie doughnuts are rising up. Kill yourself before they kill you. Or just kill yourself.Featuring original illustrations in the style of Daniel Johnston, Die You Doughnut Bastards is the latest way to drown, brought to you by Wonderland Book Award-winning author Cameron Pierce.
In a city where all humans live inside of plastic bubbles, exotic dancers are being murdered in the rubbery streets by a mysterious stalker known only as Kill Ball.
THERE ARE THINGS MUCH WORSE THAN ZOMBIESFirst time in paperback!In the long-awaited follow up to DEAD SEA, it has been several months since the disease known as Hamelin's Revenge decimated the world. Civilization has collapsed and the dead far outnumber the living. The survivors seek refuge from the roaming zombie hordes, but one-by-one, those shelters are falling. Twenty-five survivors barricade themselves inside a former military bunker buried deep beneath a luxury hotel. They are safe from the zombies... but are they safe from one another? As supplies run low and despair sets in, each of them will find out just how far they're willing to go to survive. Brian Keene's ENTOMBED... when the dead walk the earth, insanity is the only escape.
THE PAST NEVER STAYS BURIED Karin has had enough of her abusive husband, Danny, so one day she kills him. With the aid of her attorney/lover she stays out of jail. The perfect crime and now she is free to live her life. But when she accidentally brings Danny back to life, her past is going to catch up to her. Now Danny is a walking corpse and being undead has caused his worst desires to come out. Karin thought he was evil before, but she has no idea how much worse it's going to get. From Robert Devereaux (Slaughterhouse High, Santa Steps Out) comes a splatterpunk novel of outrageous gore and vicious sex.
There are all kinds of legends about the forests of Central Pennsylvania, and in this sequel to DARK HOLLOW, the truth about those legends is finally revealed. Halloween is coming, and a new haunted attraction is open for business in LeHorn's Hollow. Folks will come from miles around to walk down the spooky trail and get scared witless. But there's one thing the owners of the ghost walk haven't counted on. There really is something waiting in the woods-a vast, ancient evil whose hunger threatens to consume all life on Earth. Soon, the unsuspecting customers will pay their money and get in line... to die. And only one man, occult detective Levi Stoltzfus, can save them and stop the evil before it is unleashed.
He has a mouth in his gut. An obnoxious, toothy, foul-mouthed, pig of a mouth. Luckily, his girlfriend doesn't seem to mind. Marie, the one-legged stripper and cyber-prostitute love of his life is very accepting of it. And then a little too accepting. What would you do if your girlfriend cheated on you with the voracious yapper under your belly button? If you live in Gutmouth's world-a bleak city where gruesome, spontaneous mutations are no big deal, klepto-roaches take anything not tied-down, drugs turn pain into pleasure, consumers are tortured for growing food, and your best friend is a misogynistic rat-man-you might do something crazy. And what if you got caught?
Finding a good house is a house hunter's job. If you want a great house, you need Imogen. She's the best at capturing young houses and training them to be homes. But all of her skills will be tested when the Association goes after the mythical Jabberhouse in order to breed houses in captivity. With a mysterious helper, Imogen and her house fight to stay alive and keep houses free. A bizarro adventure, with cockroach people, spider-cars, assassins, house-fights, and a big-ass castle stomping into battle against an ancient temple. House hunting has never been so weird.
If they don't act fast, they'll never get out alive...Eight desperate castaways find themselves stranded on a mysterious deserted island. They are surrounded by poisonous blue plants and an ocean made of acid. Strange creatures lurk in the shadows. The ghostly sound of crying babies can be heard on the wind...Once they realize the rescue ships aren't coming, the eight castaways must band together in order to survive in this inhospitable environment. But survival might not be possible. The air they breathe is toxic, there is no shelter from the elements, and the only food they have to consume is the squid-shaped tumors that grow from a mentally disturbed woman's body.From the crazy imagination of bizarro fiction master Carlton Mellick III comes Tumor Fruit-an intense survival story full of eccentric characters, nail-biting suspense, and unpredictable twists. Like LOST on steroids, for the bizarro generation.
The greatest political allegory since Animal Farm, written by the most fantastic-smelling author of our time. Ever drank too much and forgot what happened? Don't be embarrassed. Deshler Dean faces this problem every day of his life. Dean is far more brilliant and productive when he's blackout drunk. In the last few months alone, he has invented a hamburger more addictive than crystal meth, scored a six-figure record contract for his terrible art rock band, and started dating a woman he doesn't even recognize. Worse yet, he has become entangled in the biggest war since the Allies took on Germany. When rival fast food chains duke it out for control over Dean's burger-inventing genius, Dean and his band mates plunge into the absurd world of corporate paranoia and greed. As the violence of the burger wars spills out onto the streets, it's up to them to win over the hearts (and stomachs) of the American people and save the country from the equivalent of a deep-fried nuclear warhead.
It's Naked Lunch meets Dawn of the Dead in this postmodern post-apocalyptic zombie nightmare by cult bizarro author Carlton Mellick III.Hundreds of years have passed since the living dead conquered the Earth. Surviving humans have been reduced to vermin, breeding like cockroaches in ancient fortified high-rise apartment buildings. Those who are still lingering in the shadowy waste have either gone completely insane or become infested with parasites that mutate flesh into steel-string sculptures. There is nothing left to live for, no hope for any kind of future. Only the long wait for death remains. But one man refuses to die just yet. He must first find a wife, somebody who will love him, so that he doesn't have to die alone. And he won't give up until he finds this person, even if he has to build a woman himself using the scrap body parts that litter the hallways. Told in Mellick's early schizophrenic prose style, Steel Breakfast Era is perhaps the most surreal zombie apocalypse story ever told.
Was Jesus actually a time-traveler from the future?The citizens of Ocean City believe this could be the case. Their world has become so technologically advanced that everyone now possesses the ability to walk on water, cure diseases, multiply food, and raise the dead... They are like an entire civilization of Jesus Christs. But when a team of researchers travel back in time to the days of Christ, they discover the past is a lot different than they ever imagined. It is an illogical flatland lacking in dimension and color, a sick-scape of crispy squid people wandering the desert for no apparent reason. And when they meet the Messiah, they learn he is not actually the great man they were expecting him to be. In fact, he isn't exactly a man at all.Told in Mellick's early schizophrenic prose style, Fishy-fleshed is part pulp science-fiction, part experimental fiction, and 100% bizarro as hell.
A surreal sexual nightmare by cult bizarro author Carlton Mellick III.In a dark future where males have become extinct, humans are forced to breed with factory-manufactured living fuck-toys that possess an abundance of both male and female sex organs. One such creature is adopted by a warrior dominatrix named Celsia, who is trying to have a baby. But once she takes her new merchandise home, things don't quite go as planned. Wild tribes of rapists, women with multiple vaginas covering their bodies, sex tournaments, erotic mutilation, and a giant vagina possessing the secrets of the universe, this is one ugly perverted hell of a world.Told in Mellick's early schizophrenic prose style, Razor Wire Pubic Hair is like postmodern minimalistic art mixed with Japanese "guro" porn.
A weird-as-hell gangster story set in a world where people drive giant mechanical dinosaurs instead of cars. Her name is Psycho June Howard, aka Armadillo Fists, a woman who replaced both of her hands with living armadillos. She was once the most bloodthirsty fighter in the world of illegal underground boxing. But now she is on the run from a group of psychotic gangsters who believe she's responsible for the death of their boss. With the help of a stegosaurus driver named Mr. Fast Awesome-who thinks he is God's gift to women even though he doesn't have any arms or legs-June must do whatever it takes to escape her pursuers, even if she has to kill each and every one of them in the process. Strange, engaging characters, breakneck pacing, and jam-packed with more brilliantly weird concepts than you'll know what to do with-this is bizarro cult author Carlton Mellick III at his best.
Fish-eyed mutants, oceans of insects, and flesh-eating women with hammers for heads. Like a real world Kilgore Trout, cult author Carlton Mellick III has been pumping out dozens of the weirdest, trashiest, most imaginative books you've probably never heard of... even though you definitely should. Hammer Wives collects six of his most popular novelettes and short stories, including: SIMPLE MACHINESA man discovers that his body is actually a machine run by dozens of miniature clones of himself. RED WORLDA recovering junky must save his 8-year-old brother from a life of prostitution in a surreal version of New York City... a place where street kids mutate into fish-like creatures, the homeless stilt-walk through oceans of insects, and the only colors left visible to the human eye are shades of red. HAMMER WIVESA young man inherits ten eternally youthful wives from an estranged uncle he never knew he had... which wouldn't have been such a bad thing if they didn't have giant hammers for heads or a tendency of bludgeoning people to death for fun, food, or sexual pleasure. LEMON KNIVES 'N' COCKROACHESCockroach-like children survive the zombie apocalypse by hiding between the walls of on old school building. WAR PIGIn a steam-powered underworld, a bloodthirsty pig-man boxer will sacrifice everything to prevent his son from following in his footsteps. THE MAN WITH THE STYROFOAM BRAINThe recently departed reflect on the stupid reasons why they sold their souls to the devil.
Welcome to Suburban Hell...Tony dreads the idea of going to his wife's company dinner party in Eagle Hills; the new upper-middleclass gated community that just popped up outside of Scottsdale, AZ. He hates these Southwest-style planned suburban neighborhoods. All of the streets look the same. All of the houses look the same. All of the people look the same. Because everything in Eagle Hills looks exactly the same, Tony has trouble finding the dinner party. He quickly becomes lost in the sea of red tile roofs. The streets seem to go on forever. The addresses don't seem to make any sense.After hours of navigating the suburban labyrinth, Tony discovers that there is something terribly wrong with the Eagle Hills gated community. There is something unnatural about the houses around him. There is something inhuman about the people staring at him through the windows. And no matter how far he drives, he can't seem to find his way out.Ultra Fuckers is a work of absurd suburban horror in the tradition of Mellick's previous cult hit, The Menstruating Mall.
"I wish I could hope to ever attain one-thousandth the perversity of Robert Devereaux's toenail clippings." -Poppy Z. Brite Santa Claus is back. And flying beside him is Wendy, his freshly minted stepdaughter, who can peer into the future of selected children and offer them glimpses of the wonders ahead. But with that power come horrific visions of the turmoil and trouble the less fortunate among them are fated to suffer. Can Wendy and her stepfather prevent the suicide of Jamie Stratton in his teen years, as he grows up gay in a homophobic household and community? God the Father grants them three Thanksgiving visits to Jamie's tormentors, in hopes of bringing about a change of heart in them and eliminating their ingrained prejudices. Beyond the challenge of rescuing one precious child lies the far more daunting task of expunging entirely this brand of bigotry from the human race, as Santa and Wendy strive to remake the world in compassion and generosity. Along the way, they enlist the aid of the Easter Bunny, a highly persuasive fellow indeed. But the Tooth Fairy and her loathsome imps are hell-bent on doing all they can to stop Santa and Wendy-nay, to heighten mortal fear and hatred of anyone whose orientation strays even the slightest from the norm.
Sex, Death, and Santa Claus ... His generosity is legendary. He has a devoted wife, a crack team of sky-borne reindeer, hordes of industrious elves, and the love of good little boys and girls around the globe. But what unholy desires now propel him into the lascivious clutches of a certain fairy? And who was he before the sleigh and workshop, in times forgotten? ... She munches on molars, summons drowned sailors to her pleasure, and recalls, sharp as a pinprick, her life as the most savage of ash nymphs. Why then is she stuck, night after night, hovering above pillows to leave coins for gap-toothed brats? More important, how quickly can she captivate the jolly old elf to the north? ... He's huge, fluffy, lonesome, and unbearably horny. On his Easter rounds, he contrives, as often as possible, to get a grip on himself and peer into interesting bedrooms. But who in the world will throw him down and ravage him as the lovers under his gaze ravage one another? ... Deadite Press is proud to bring back the ultimate erotic Christmas story from Robert Devereaux
PRAISE FOR BLAKE BUTLER "An endlessly surprising, funny, and subversive writer." -Publishers Weekly "If the distortion and feedback of Butler's intense riffing is too loud, you may very well be too boring." -Globe and Mail (Toronto) "Try Blake on. Lace him up. Wear him around your neck in wreaths." -Vice "If there's a more thoroughly brilliant and exciting new writer than Blake Butler . . . well, there just isn't." -Dennis Cooper PRAISE FOR SEAN KILPATRICK "This is a book you need. Language reset. Guidebook." -HTML GIANT on Sean Kilpatrick's fuckscapes "The violent, sexual zone of television and entertainment is made to saturate that safe-haven, the American Family. The result is a zone of violent ambience, a 'fuckscape': where every object or word can be made to do horrific acts. As when torturers use banal objects on their victims, it is the most banal objects that become the most horrific (and hilarious) in Sean Kilpatrick's brilliant first book." -Johannes Goransson on fuckscapes "Here is your I.V. drip of sphinx's blood." -CA Conrad
On the dodgeball court, no one can hear you scream. Justin Lucas just started at a new high school, but there are no classes in really important stuff like English literature, mathematics, science, or history. Instead, the entire curriculum is dedicated to playing Dodgeball. Justin is...perplexed. Where are the pencils and textbooks? Why are there so many explosives strapped to the balls? And what's up with the barbed wire? Does the school administration really think it's appropriate to wrap the balls in barbed wire? Dodgeball High does not seem like a safe environment for a young man. But his classmates don't care. They kinda remind him of junior Mafia Dons, little serial killers, and pint-sized dictators from third world countries. And they are all really good at Dodgeball (and the shedding of their classmates' blood), while Justin totally sucks. And to make matters worse, Justin's parents are like...total dicks. They won't let him go to a different school because they think he's full of crap about this "Dodgeball nonsense." Not to mention that Dodie Manson, the greatest player in the school, has a gigantic crush on Justin. And whoever Dodie wants, Dodie gets, and her BFs have a habit of experiencing intense pleasure prior to their "mysterious" decapitations. Does Justin have what it takes to survive and make it to the top of his class before graduation? Or will he be eliminated permanently? Read Dodgeball High to find out, but watch out for the ball that's coming at your head!
Everyone in the world committed suicide at the same time . . .Thus begins the surreal tale of an old man living alone in an empty world after everyone else on Earth killed themselves for no particular reason at all. In search for other survivors, he drifts in a floating house out to sea until he comes to a mysterious structure in the middle of the ocean. It is a building shaped like two giant nude women conjoined at the back. And issuing from a lighted window, echoing on the ghostly wind, is the sound of hundreds of meowing patchwork cats. Sea of the Patchwork Cats is a sad dreamlike tale set in the quiet ashes of the human race. A must-read for Mellick enthusiasts who also adore The Twilight Zone.
Kevin L Donihe is in the vanguard of a new type of brave and original writers that combine fun and childlike imagination with rich poignant themes. In his second collection, Papier Mache Jesus, Donihe's surreal wit and beautiful mind-bending imagination is on full display with stories such as All Children Go to Hell, Happiness is a Warm Gun, The Vibrant Tools of Dr. Imago, The Boy Memorial, and Swimming in Endless Night.
There is something in the local cemetery that comes out at night.Something that is unearthing corpses and killing people. It's thesummer of 1984 and Timmy and his friends are looking forward to noschool, comic books, and adventure. But instead they will be fightingfor their lives. The ghoul has smelled their blood and it is afterthem.But that's not the only monster they will face this summer . . .From award-winning horror master Brian Keene comes a novel ofmonsters, murder, and the loss of innocence.
Hicks, Hogs, Horror! When Herconium Siliam Slogg woke up in his outhouse, it was just another day on the farm, but then skull-headed frogs fell from the sky, and things started getting a mite strange in the backwoods of Slogg's Holler. Soon the townsfolk are sproutin' extra heads and taking a bite out of their neighbors.... And a two thousand pound hog has opened its third eye, hypnotizing the minds of the Honorable Mayor Phigg and mysterious man of the cloth Reverend Horel Burnbroom, not to mention aspiring country-western singer Churlotta Lovelorn. These three yokels and their monsterized cannibalistic kin will soon be drawn into a web of weirdness that can only result in the end of humanity and a down-home good time!
MYKLE HANSEN gives mortality the finger! Death by sandwich! Death by yoga! Death by blimp! In HOORAY FOR DEATH, Famous Author Mykle Hansen draws unconventional humor from deaths tiny and large, and invites you to laugh while you can. Meet The Great Mecanico, super-scientist of super-science, a man who can fix anything but his mother's health. Meet BLIMPMAN, master of the Weight-Loss Ray, and his arch-nemesis Doctor Walrus! Meet Death himself -- a single, deadly male, looking for a lover who will die slowly. Meet Penelope, your dead wife who phones you from the underworld to say she met someone deader than you. Loaded with Hansen's signature wit and weirdness, Hooray for Death is a great achievement of comedy, tragedy and hope.
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