Bloody Green

I've spent my life believing that I must paint a perfect crucifixion to save myself from earthly suffering and then while being inches close to perfection, I found my biggest enemy, a devil himself, in a man who was a high religious official and a friend.
Where is my God now!? Who could I trust if not him!?
What did I do wrong to deserve such terrible faith!?
What's does he want me to do next to stop this dreadful life?