Breached

My life was ash. Burned to the ground. Razed with no chance of rebuilding.
Empty.
Alone.
Just as I had to be.
No one else was going to get hurt because of me. No more deaths.
For years I've secluded myself, stayed in the darkness, and tried to melt into the background. Hiding in plain sight.
Taking a new job, working in close confines with a new partner, is risky, and I thought I was up to the task. So I hide behind a mask of my own making, a façade for the world.
The problem is, I can't stop thinking about my new partner. I hate her, but I crave her like she's the most intoxicating thing I've ever encountered.
It's maddening, but I need to stay away. I have to stay away.
I can't love anyone ever again.