How to Masturbate Properly

Masturbation gave birth to a prophet. His name is Turbo Masturbo and he will teach you how to masturbate properly. He can come fast, any time, any place. Turbo got his superpowers by accident. It was a divine event: A higher force approached him and gave him a hundred Masturbation Commandments so he could announce them to the world.
"After reading this, every man will appreciate his hands more than any vagina."
- Loony, author of Sex Deaths; Is She Faking?; Sex Jokes
"Turbo Masturbo says every man with hands is self-sufficient. It seems like somebody is pussy deprived."
- Madame Magdalena, author of "How to Snag That Millionaire When You Are Not the Prettiest Girl in the Room"