People Change Like Seasons

At first, I thought I finally got over all of those life chapters while writing. But somewhere inside of me I wasn't healed from all of that at all.
I don't feel the same anymore.
Is It because I finally realized
That
I've been living for others
All this time
And not for myself..?
Was I living for others and felt happy?
Did I not live for myself all this time?
It feels like a withdrawal symptom.
How long will this last?
I want to feel again...
Do I have to live for myself for that?
But no one has ever taught me how to live. How to love me. I learned how to love others.
I learned how to live with others. For others. To make them happy, made me happy.
I never learned how to live and love myself.
Is that why I'm feeling weird? Because I want to make myself happy? Is that so?
I don't feel the same anymore
I don't feel different either
So, what is this feeling? Is this even a feeling? I don't even know anymore.
Is it because of the people I have lived for? For someone like me they'd choose not to die for?
Have I lost myself by gaining you?