Weapon of Choice

Kevin sat quietly in the two-man cell. His new cellmate was trying to whip up support among his inmate friends to "do something" about his new cellmate-me. This was definitely not going well. I could almost "feel" an assault or a knife attack coming. I made a decision. If I was going to die in prison, then I would take myself out rather than let some self-righteous, low-brow punk(s) do it. I could fight-the Army had trained me well-but how many would come at me? Would there be weapons? I quietly wrote a letter home and explained what I was going to do. After that, I placed the thirty-day supply of Atenolol in my pocket. Atenolol controls blood pressure by slowing your heart rate. If things went badly, I would take all of them at once- hopefully stopping my heart with a minimum of pain. I also spoke silently with God. I told Him, "If I have to do this, please don''t send me to hell. I sincerely believe Lord that the guilt of this sin should be given to this animal, Doherty." This event was survived. There was a long road ahead. From false accusation to trial to false imprisonment then probation, this is a story of defeat and survival that nothing could prepare a person for.